When you’re gender-questioning, you’re really unsure of where you sit as far as being male or female.
You have to be boy or girl don’t you?
Society says that you do. So does the all the advertising trying to get your attention.
However, the truth is far more interesting.
Gender is not black or white, man or woman. It’s a spectrum – it stretches from the extremes of gender to the grey area in-between. Also there are plenty of people who exist there – everyday people who don’t live to the gender norms we’re taught.
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Listening to how you feel
The only person qualified to tell you how you feel is you. It’s your body and your life.
As hard as it can be, to live a life that’s a lie is unhealthy. So if you need to express yourself as something other than a gender stereotype, then you must do-so. If you do not, the pain will become harder and harder to bear. This is not selfish (though you may be accused of this by others) – it is looking after yourself.
But that doesn’t mean you have to be exclusively Boy or Girl, man or woman. If you want to, you can walk in the grey area between the genders.
What this means is that you’re giving yourself time to find out where you actually lie on the gender spectrum. Other people who live in this place call themselves Genderqueer.
It may be that this is all you need, to express your true self – to be freed from the gender stereotypes that drive people.
It may mean you work out that you fall closer to the edges of the spectrum, male or female (and may choose to undertake hormone therapy and/or eventual surgery to alter your body as much as possible). Other people who do this call themselves Transgender.
What about the other people in my life?
Here’s where things get tricky.
People in general are used to seeing a boy or girl, a man or woman. Sometimes when they’re confronted with someone that doesn’t fit these neatly boxed genders, they may ignore the differences and simply treat you as a human being. Unfortunately, you may find that others:
- become upset
- become verbally or physically abusive
- reject you out-of-hand
- refuse to address you by the correct pronouns (he, she, ze)
- refuse to treat you with respect
There are laws to protect people from discrimination in the education system and the workforce and the Victoria police force has Gay Lesbian Liason Officers (GLLO’s) who are trained to help you if something happens. You can also make a complaint on the Victorian Equal Rights and Human Rights Commission website.
As good as these laws and official support are, sometimes you’ll need people to talk to. There are many support groups in the state for different people in different walks of life which are listed in our directory. Melbourne Genderqueer runs a once a month gathering of people.
See also
Not your mom’s Trans 101 – about why binary gender doesn’t really work
Victorian Equal Rights and Human Rights commission
Australian human rights commission
Gay Lesbian Liason Officers (GLLO’s)
A great update, especially the section titled ‘You have to be boy or girl don’t you?’, which gives people the option to express themselves as genderqueer/genderfucked/sex and or gender diverse etc.
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